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Barney Stinson Awesomeness Quotes

 


Barney Stinson once said

  • If i get sad i stop being sad and be awesome instead
  • Think of me like yoda, but insted of being little and green, i wear suits and i'm awesome.I'm your bro... i'm Broda
  • With a great penis comes great responsability
  • A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
  • Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three. Plus it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is dead", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story.
  • It's going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy
  • A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.
  • A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Patty’s Day and other official Bro holidays, including Halloween, New Year’s Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13).
  • A Bro never cries.   EXCEPTIONS: Watching Field of Dreams, E.T., or a sports legend retire.
  • The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she is 17 years old and 11 months old
  • Ted if you had a crazy story, i was there.Thats a law of the univerese
  • The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her pray. You watch them bounce , she is about to pounce.
  • Every halloween a bring a space costume, in case i strike out with the hotest girl in the party. That way  i have a second chance to make a first impression
  • Suits are full of joy. They the sartorial equivalent of a baby smile

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